At some point, we tend to ask ourselves the question of what makes a good mother? Sometimes, we just look and say to ourselves, am I even doing this mom thing in the right way. You may not voice it out, but there are chances that a great number of mothers have thought about it.
You might not be able to measure how you’re doing as you would in the case of a paid job or call a friend and admit it. The things learned about being a mom is a composition of experience, research, and peers.
Most times, you hear moms ponder if they’re doing enough as regards motherhood. They’re scared of being judged, carrying with them a mixed bag of motherhood, but privately missing their previous lives without children.
It is normal to feel this way. Mothers often see motherhood as a goal – something to aim for and accomplish. The qualities of a mother are not geared towards the outside or achievement-based; rather, they are connected to the personality within.
Perfection should not be aimed for; instead, habits that create healthy relationships should be developed between you and your child. Motherhood is one journey where the qualities of a mother can be developed in the children by the mothers.
Here is a list of qualities mothers should possess in order to create and maintain a close relationship with their children and succeed in motherhood.
Qualities Of A Mother
- Set boundaries and rules
- Be supportive and loving
- Be a good role model
Being a patient mom is vital when it comes to raising kids. Being patient with your child can take a while as children tend to test the limits and boundaries you have put in place.
They always want to see what they can or can’t get away with. Understanding and perfecting what they should be doing takes a while for them.
Something as simple as feeding themselves can drive you crazy when it all goes over the floor again. However, it is of importance that you remain patient with them as they will surely pass that phase.
They are only learning in their time, and getting furious with them isn’t going to help their self-confidence. Patience is one of the hardest parts for most mothers.
You could try practicing by taking breaks and slowing down; you don’t always have to beat yourself so much and place so much on yourself that causes stress. Be kind to yourself, even if you don’t get the dishes washed or the bills paid that instant, its not the end of the world.
2. Set Boundaries And Rules
Setting boundaries are important for children to thrive. It helps them know what they should and shouldn’t do if they’re treading the right path or stepping out of the line.
As parents, you should also be consistent with the rules too. It won’t be good changing them all the time and can also get your child confused.
The same thing applies to discipline too. Punishment should be consistent. When you’re punishing them one time and the next time you’re not, you’ll be sending them mixed messages.
Punishment to be given should fit the crime committed. Do not give out a big punishment for a simple breaking of a rule.
Children will always make mistakes. As mothers, you need to forgive them whenever they go wrong as they are still undergoing the learning process. Discipline is paramount in the upbringing of a child, but after being disciplined, forgive them, and pull them close again.
You could offer hugs and kisses to little ones. As their mothers also, you can make mistakes.
Do not hesitate to seek your child’s forgiveness if you’re the wrong one. This inculcates in them a valuable life lesson- there is no perfect person anywhere, mistakes are inevitable, and that forgiveness should always have a place in the lives of humans as holding on to negativity is unhealthy.
4. Be Supportive And Loving
Growing up can be tough. Love and support are like pillars in the life of every human, children inclusive. You need to support your child through whatever they are going through.
They could still be learning to toilet-train or having a quarrel with their friends (for the older ones). Whatever it is, they need your support all through.
Parents often raise their children to follow their personal interests, principles, and values, but truth be told, they can’t make who the child is as a person.
Therefore, whatever the child shows interest to do, be it their hobbies, or whatever they seem to be passionate about, get involved, and provide them with maximum support.
Knowing that they’ve got your love and support is what every child always relies on. Therefore, parents should endeavor to give support and love to these children without asking questions.
5. Be A Good Role Model
As mothers, you are the first person your child gets to know right from the day they were born. As such, you’re the first role model ever known to them. It is of great importance that you be a good role model to them as this will contribute to the shaping of their lives.
Children tend to copy and learn whatever they see from their parents while growing up. If you want them to say or do certain things or exhibit a certain attitude and character, then you should be ready to show forth those things first.
You don’t expect your child to do certain things when you, as the mother, are not willing to do them yourself.
It is often said that respect is reciprocal. If you want to be respected by your child, then you should be ready to show and give them respect in return.
It’s actually of no point if they’re children and are much younger or you’re their parent and much older than they are. What remains is that respect should always be given.
Motherhood is a journey that tells emotionally even on the strongest of women. You have to brace yourself, stimulate your inner strength, and be the rock your child can rely on. This is very important.
Your child needs you in order to be free from their fears, to be constant so as to make changes less difficult. Children always want to have a comfortable place to go to.
Therefore, you have to find strength and be strong to always be there for them. Practice this by being calm and reasonable in times of crisis and not reacting with fear to an extent where you lose composure.
Humility is a reminder that we are all taking the course of lifelong learning. We are not perfect, so we should not act or behave as though we are. You shouldn’t let pride get the best of you. Let your children know that adults make mistakes too.
Don’t try to cover up something you did just because you don’t want to get embarrassed when your children get to know about it. The truth is, if you don’t own up your mistakes, your children will do the same.
Be compassionate and humble, and they’ll follow suit. You could start by swallowing your pride, apologizing for your mistakes, set good examples, learn to get their viewpoint, and stop focusing on “winning” all the time.
The ability to identify, understand, and share the thoughts, feelings or emotional state of people is known as empathy. Reacting to your child with empathy will enable you to find out why they acted the way they did rather than taking full disciplinary actions.
A lot of parents get into power struggles when their child misbehaves. Voices are raised, hands placed on the hips, eyebrows furrowed and all.
At this point, all patience is draining. It is an unfair battle because it is obvious that parents are going to dominate, but when you respond with empathy, you’re not losing nor winning, both parent and child are on the same side.
As mothers, question your child concerning such behavior they put on, you never can tell there might be a reason behind such acts which you just haven’t figured out yet. Imagine yourself in their shoes, get to know how they feel, and then put the question to yourself.
Would you have acted the same way if it was you? After that, let them know you understand how they feel. Often times, they just want to be heard.
A good mother is responsive and nurturing, at the same time, exercising authority and setting specific standards for her children. It is the duty of parents to provide the necessary resources and maximum support to their children to enable them to learn and grow.
Exercising authority brings about a balance of warmth and support with consistency and high expectations.
Many thanks to social media, gossips, and even the news; motherhood is being exhibited all the time. Mothers are waging mommy wars on each other and hearing different views and opinions on everything from everyone.
The information age has its advantages, but then it can be considered as having too much of a good thing.
In the midst of all, what makes a good mom and a good person generally are the fundamental features of who they really are. This whole mom thing may not be played out well by everyone, but with qualities such as love, empathy, and patience amongst others, you realize you’re doing better than you ever imagined.